Early Poems.

What do I make of the color yellow? An in-between color to help us mellow. A lazy lion's yawn is a great big bellow. A smiley face emblem giving a silent hello. Yellow is the effulgent ray of the sun Beaming its warmth and light on everyone It hides to signal that our labor is done. Then it brightens the moon, in darkness leaves none. Candlelight spreading aroma and fragrance Dim and soft light as I read about vagrants Not light enough for a raging party But a calm cool night with a hot cup of tea A yellow light tells you to "slow it down" Directing you with painted lines on the ground Traffic signs and caution tape Yellow's meant to keep you safe Even our bodies use yellow to speak Jaundice or infection, a doctor to seek Caution tape guarding a person from danger Or to notify of hazards in case you're a stranger Yellow is often a time to be chill Or it's a sign that your body is ill Either way, it means resting and relaxation I'd prefer sandy beaches on a summer vacation If not, yellow is also glory and goodness Like the halo of light surrounding Saint Francis On the paintings of Christ or the Holy Virgin Crowned with golden spikes like a sea urchin The golden shimmer of sparkling champagne The crescent glow as the moon begins to wane Tall spring sunflowers growing high as can be Ears of corn also known as maíz Yellow is the coolest of all different embers Yellow are the leaves in late September When the weather is slowly beginning to cool And it's time for a bonfire in place of the pool If blue is cold, and red is hot, then yellow is the middle Its warmth, a happy medium, a slow tune on the fiddle This color has been the most challenging to write I spend the most time trying to be wrong or right Writing about yellow has forced me to center To spend some more time being calm and tender Sometimes I am passionate and out of control Other times I'm distant, like a tormented soul I want to be yellow, warm, and subtle Like a bright pleasant day, or a splash in a puddle I want to mean it when I smile and say hello What do I make of the color yellow?

What will you make of purple? The culmination of blue and red As deep and dark as the twilight Or as soft as lilacs against a green bed Either way, it's a striking sight Purple is a bruise that just won't heal The color of pain you feel when you touch Purple is so unique you question if it's real Still a purple gemstone won't cost you much Purple is majestic like the emperor butterfly The last color of the rainbow seen in the sky The color of the robe that covered Jesus' lashes The color kings and queens wear dyed on their sashes Sometimes it's so dark it almost looks black The iridescent hue of starlit space Or the sun-covered shadow over the canyon's back The glittery eyeshadow sparkling her face Elizabeth Taylor had violet eyes Often hidden behind the grayscale Violet is often associated with the wise The wisdom of age, growing old and pale Purple is a color you innately can smell Like lavender petals rubbed in your hand Purple's the ocean against a sunset swell Or the desert mountains covered in sand Purple is the color of the early autumn breeze Like jacaranda flowers falling high from their trees Purple is an eggplant grown from a plant A plum on the ground that is covered by ants The pattern I see is that purple's a signal Not of the end, but the end is coming soon Whether snow-covered mountains housing the angels Or the island horizon in the late afternoon Purple tells me the light is departing The cosmos are fading as dying lights sparkle Beauty is fading as the dark is consuming But not fully gone, so bask in the sparkle What will you make of purple?

What do you do with the color blue? Is it the color you see when you're feeling sad? Or is the cloudless sky making your heart glad? To me, blue is royal. The color of kings. Majestic as the blue jay in a tree as it sings. Blue is the color of all my favorite teams, And I'm not too sure what exactly that means. Did I choose blue or did blue choose me? It's strange that blue is an illusion to see. The pigment is unnatural, a light trickery. The ocean looks blue, but it's clear in your hands Lightning appears as bright blue ribbon strands Blue Öyster Cult is one of the greatest rock bands Neptune, the blue planet, is alone where it stands Flames that burn blue are the hottest of fires Hot like electricity traveling through the live wires Like a blue flag iris growing out of the mire Seeing her dressed in blue fills my heart with desire A sapphire pendant hanging down from her neck On a chain of white platinum holding a shiny blue speck At the altar, she stood looking fine as all heck We sealed our wedding vows with an innocent peck Blue is a memory of the best moments in life The day my fiancée became my wife Each umbilical cord cut off with a knife The Blues became champions overcoming great strife Blue is a baptism, the symbol of new life Blue is peace and deep serenity Blue is a calm that comes over me Like the sway of the boat floating over the sea Or the babbling brook with a soft steady stream My favorite Elvis song is "Blue Suede Shoes" Everything I've written so far is true What else is there left for me to do? What do you do with the royal color blue?

What do you think of the bold color red? So many meanings, so many symbols Political tyranny or a beautiful sunset Or is it just a color? The world isn't that simple Driving a car, red means stop Driving enraged, red takes control Red is a pimple ready to pop Red also means stop, drop, and roll Red is a rose picked out for love As well as the blood drawn by the thorns Red is the dusk sky painted above the pitchfork devil imagined with horns Red is the flame-tipped end of a matchstick Able to set a whole forest ablaze Red is the devious color of lipstick Able to snare all men in a daze Red is a blush from giddy excitement Red is a flush from a guilty indictment In the expression "caught red-handed" Like the adulteress with a red letter branded Red is wine, dark and strong Rich in the belly, poor for the mind Red is a pepper, spicy and long Red marks the spot you hope to find The color of anger, murder, hatred, and rage But also romance, flirting, and ecstasy Red means forgiveness to the end of the age Or tyranny without hope of diplomacy Red lights flashing mean help is on the way Or red lights can be a place where sinners lie An apple so bright, delicious, and sweet Or a blood-soaked and raw slab of meat When I can't pay a debt, I'm living in the red The lace lingerie she wears before bed The stripes on my cheeks, regretting what I said The color that fades when we're finally dead What do you think of the bold color red?

Every bird has its song Unlike that of any other it sings all morning long Or when the day becomes another But not all the birds Sound sweet or pleasant Some are abrupt and loud Like a pheasant The rooster, it crows The raven, it caws The stork honks And the peacock squawks But should we silence Those unpleasant sounds That bird that sounds broken You don't want around The truth is I envy How shamelessly they sing First thing in the morning And at twilight's sparkling Where is my singing at morning's first light? Where is my song when I lie down at night? Why do the birds sing? It's in their nature I am no bird, So why do I venture? I sing the praises Of places I go I sing the praises Of food I enjoy I believe birds sing For their Creator They praise Him for putting Songs in their nature The Word says through Jesus I have a new nature One that is joyful On every occasion Lord, put a new song Within my nature Let me sing with the sunrise And under the moonlight Whether it's pretty Or sounds like a pheasant If my song is for You In Your ears, it's pleasant

Waking me from a daydream, A bluebird glided by. Colored feathers reflected a sunbeam As the bluebird hid from my sight. So piqued was my curiosity I wandered off my route. To gaze upon its rare beauty As it hid away from view. Shaded in a dome of brambles It wouldn't let me see. It fluttered 'round in little shambles Against the orange leaves. Nearer, nearer, as I drew The bluebird crawled in deeper. From the other side, it flew Away from me, the peeper. I found it odd it beckoned me Then hid up in a tree. It wanted to be noticed But not to be seen. The blue is in the sunbeam Reflecting off its feathers. In the shade it's a dull green Against a base of heather.

Have you ever seen a flock of starlings, Engaged in synchronous murmuration? Like an orchestral melody played by the strings Gawking in awe at a wondrous demonstration. So harmonious the flow, no two can be told apart Like a cluster of stars forming a giant nebula There's no telling where they end or start Fluttering their rapid wings but steady as a gondola What fascinates me about this spectacle Is how there isn't a starling who appears lost Their unity in flight makes each bird respectable They move together no matter the cost Watch as they move like the breeze and the wind This way and that, as the tide pushes and pulls Behind a swarm of dark feathers, the sun is bedimmed Ten million starlings far outnumber the seagulls Why do they do this? A show or migration? Is it in their nature or are they our teachers? Can we learn to be like them and unite as a nation In different directions without one clear leader? Who leads the swarm in a murmuration? There's no way to tell as you watch from there With no apparent progress or final destination As beautiful as the wind blowing through her hair The beauty is in the shapes and harmony It's not always pretty, but it's a wonder to see Conflict is at the edge of the borders, you'll agree But there is a give-and-take to maintain unity If they all flew in one direction, it wouldn't be amazing It's the constant change in motion that keeps us anticipating: Where will they move next and what if they break apart? They'll never break apart if they're each doing their part It's not about the one, but one concerned for the other Don't forget to look out for your sister and your brother They're all in this together, so no one is left behind We can move in different directions and still be of one mind.

I'm embarrassed to admit I didn't want to go, But what a day I would've missed If I'd been stupid and said no. Stubborn about the money This venture was going to cost, As long as it's just you and me, I'd pay anything to get lost. We went to pick out flowers To remodel our backyard. Green isn't one of my powers. I knew this would be hard. Suddenly you touched my hand. You eyed me with a smile. Everything was better, and We walked around for miles. I've never been so happy To look around at plants. You held my arm so closely, My heart began to dance. Every flower blossomed. Aromas filled the air. Nothing could be more awesome. To change it, I wouldn't dare. You were so irresistible In the spirit of Demeter. Our love was invincible, Like a romance in the theatre. Your tenderness so inspired me. I drew you a small picture, Pulled from deep inside me To long outlast the future.

Beauty is too vain and purity too vulgar. If we were promised forever, I'd ask to stay longer. No words can describe the shine of a diamond, But while we share love, I promise to find them. To look upon your face is to gaze upon the sun. A glance is not enough, but too long and I'm undone. Undone because your smile lasts only for a while. I despair at your eclipse, your soul I must beguile. How can I describe the way you make me feel? You're a dream. How can I tell if all of this is real? I'm afraid to wake one day, alone, and realize I've never had your love; then I'd forever close my eyes. All the stars up in the sky don't burn as hot as I— Burn for you with all my soul, morning until night. As I sleep, my inner heat keeps you warm in bed. A fire stoked by memories residing in my head. Like a perfect melody, we crescendo and fall. Our valleys go deep, but our mountains grow tall. The peak keeps on rising with each passing year. I wander through the valleys until you are near. To be alone with you is to return to the garden, Before paradise was lost and hearts hardened. I want to get you alone every chance that I get. If it's just you and me anywhere, then that's it. Your lips are as supple as a peach in summer. Pink like no other can compare to your color. Softer than satin flowing across your skin. Filled with rich libations of sweet wine within. This is only one poem of many more to come. As I scour through a thesaurus and try other idioms. I hope someday I'll find a word to express how I feel. I'll write you more poems until the word is revealed.

Whenever I see something beautiful, I think of you. A super bloom of pretty pink flowers After a month of long spring showers Inspires a smile to form on my face, because I think of you. Whenever I hear a sweet melody, I think of you. Whether it's a songbird chirping high in the trees Or a street musician with a guitar on his knee, The songs in my ear put a smile on my face because I think of you. Whenever I smell a fragrant aroma, I think of you. The alluring hot steam of a French bakery. The sweet scent of jasmine in a warm summer breeze. Happiness is apparent all over my face, because I think of you. When I lay my head down on a cool silk pillow, I think of you. The smoothness of velvet in the palm of my hand. The way my heart beats when you call me your man. Nothing can take the joy off my face when I think of you. Whenever I bite into a juicy round peach, I think of you. The explosion of flavor, both sweet and citrus. For me, there is only one thing more delicious. When it's good, you will see my upturned lips, because I think of you.

When my arms wrap around your waist And you surrender to my embrace Your head laid gently against my chest And our eyes close together safe in rest What makes it all better is in the knowing I'll hold you like this again very soon I didn't know there would be a last time Or I would have held on and never let go I've broken your heart and mine at the same My once-loving hands are met with disdain I'm brought to tears at the pain I have caused I wish I could hold you again and hit pause… To sit in that moment and freeze there forever When you once felt safe, loved, and surrender Surrender to me who once held your heart A beautiful treasure I've broken apart Never again will I know such a love Save the love that I hope is reserved up above I know what it's like to live in hell To hurt the ones I should have done well With every tear that falls from your eyes A piece of my soul is shattered inside I wish I could go back and undo my wrongs Send myself back to Sheol, where I belong I hate this man more than I hate the devil For I have done worse, leaving us disheveled Watching you suffer is more than I can bear Carrying a burden that no one should share I feel like a fly, useless and an annoyance Caught in a web that a spider abandoned No hope of rescue or quick destruction Just a slow decay without hope of redemption To watch as events of the world pass around Until I steadily become one with the ground My only solace is in the knowing I'll hold you someday and you'll let me One day I will find you out on the dance floor Perhaps at his wedding or some celebration I'll invite you to dance My arms will hold you And you will surrender As we sway together I'll cherish every moment I won't take it for granted I'll dream of that day And mourn each day after I remember the first time I held you that way I told you our future and it came to be Oh, if I'd only been able to foresee The pain and torment I would bring to thee If I'd only known, I would never have held you I would have left you alone But now I must live with this regret Regret being born Miserable and forlorn I've ruined the best and turned it to scorn Unhappy man will I be till the end I pray I'm redeemed and that you'll all glow again

I hear voices when it's quiet. Unintelligible gibberish yet so clear. It's angry. I believe it's swearing. Sounds as if his lips were right on my ear. The room is silent. I can hear the silence. The water rushes through the pipes. Crackling wood of the shifting house. I can hear the pen scratching the paper. My resting arm crinkling the notebook. His voice gets quieter. Metallic vibrations of machinery. The hum grows louder as I tune in. Tires are rumbling as traffic zooms by. The voice fades further as my focus grows wide. Some sounds are startling, like the beat of a drum. Loud and abrupt. Unexpected. My heart starts to race, and I internalize. Focus on the sounds stirring inside. His voice gets louder as my signal shrinks. I can hear my own heart skip a beat. His voice has an accent. Who is it? So familiar, the sound, but the language is foreign. I know what he's saying. It's not very happy. Here come the others. They're all getting louder. Rain is falling outside, loud and steady. But I don't see it falling. Man… this is heavy… … I had to step outside. So certain of the raindrops, but the ground was totally dry. I know I'm not blind, but I hear what is not real. What is this madness? If it rained, would I even know? The mind is tricky. For I can hear without hearing. I can see without seeing. Voices in my head with no one around. Dreams as clear as day while closing my eyes. Both are real but only to me. Until I wrote this down. Now it's real for you. Maybe we're both crazy. We've succumbed to an illusion. Just try to decipher which voice wrote this poem.

The audible tick of an invisible clock My feet are unsettled inside of their socks I hear it as steady as the beat of a drum Though I'm plugging my ears with both of my thumbs No analogue clock can be found on my walls I should be sleeping until the rooster calls But I lie here awake to this brain metronome A cacophony of noise trapped in my dome Thoughts I can't see but are as plain as the day Sounds I can't hear but are as loud as a djembe What's on my mind? I really couldn't say The path to my rest has a block in the way My fears harass me in the form of unrest I cannot reach for the truths I know best The tick of the clock is leaving me deaf Deaf to reason, faith, and even my breath Each tick and each tock is a moment gone by Leading me closer to the great by and by How many loose ends will be left in a tangle? What can I do to not leave them all mangled? I think I can hear it, each tick is a voice A voice that reminds me to make a choice To have peace inside, you must know how To let go of future and past and live in the now I cannot change what has already been done Nor can I change what is still to come But now is the time to face my fears To let go of my anger and release these tears I'd rather live now with the purpose of love As shrewd as a serpent, as gentle as a dove I don't want anger to change my tick to a tock Instead I'll let love be supreme 'round the clock

In the parking lot, I saw a man Who left his home thinking, "Yes, I can" But he couldn't find his own van Which was parked by this very same man Perhaps it is a lapse or a glitch of the mind Why, we've all felt the same hiccups of this kind But if you look a little closer, you may find The brain in old age was beginning to unwind The fish doesn't know that it's wet in the water Nor did he know when he lost it, my grandfather His mind slowly fading as we watch it go farther Little by little until they turned into rotters Who will help them if no one knows? They won't tell you because they don't know. You must help them. Stop, don't let them go. Once the mind is gone, they can't be alone. My grandfather saw me, but he didn't know me. Is this our future I see before me? Losing our minds by seventy-three Looking around asking, "Where could it be?" But our solace may be in losing it Completely unaware the mind is unfit We will never know that we lost it And that gives my heart a proper lift

Nothing is emptiness The way I am feeling My mind is a blank abyss And my heart stopped beating What should I think? How should I feel? My eyes won't blink My body, frozen still My life's at the mercy Of a small yellow pill The end I can foresee But it's all in His will Awaken my inner senses Let me grieve a little Allow me a few excesses Lest my soul begin to whittle I want to be angry I want to be sad I can't control me Perhaps I've gone mad Turn my numb to rejoicing If I can't be sad Turn my grief into singing So I won't be mad Anything is better Than feeling this way Set me free of this fetter And carry me away Swing low, sweet chariot, swing low…

Sadness doesn't need a reason In fact, it is the norm Tears like raindrops obey the season Passive as a deep ocean storm Happiness takes work and thought Or else you stay forlorn Melancholic though I wish not Wondering why I was ever born Nothing made me feel this way This is just the way I am The sun has brought another day I wish I felt more like a clam How does a rainbow, with its color, Resemble a great big frown? How does a rainstorm with all its thunder Leave a village under, left to drown? The world will turn no matter what It does not wait for smiles Whether a king or a simple peasant It spins and spins for miles Rather than revel in my feels Something must be done I cannot shed another tear I've cried the very last one It's time for you to pull me out The lake is way too deep The water above won't let me shout You need to rescue me Pick me up and drag me by boat Take me far away Cheer me up that I may gloat Before my enemies someday I could give in and go to sleep Dream away for hours But I am begging you to keep My soul above the flowers There are so many reasons here That I should be rejoicing But I can't bring myself to feel What my spirit is voicing Mold my heart, O potter Though it's miry clay Teach it to be softer Before You dawn another day

I'm writing this to you, O my heart. Why are you downcast? Why are you trying to tear me apart? I hope this mood doesn't last. You woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Quickly your temper turned bright red. One minute fine, the next you're a wreck. Firing off words like you don't give a heck. Your face is distorted. Your fuse is short. Your manners departed. You're not a good sport. Spend some time outside and listen to the birds. How sweetly they sing without a worry in the world. Let the sun shine upon you and fill you with warmth. Finger the guitar and let your music come forth. Let your soul be filled with gladness by the colors of nature. Drink your favorite beverage and change your stained T-shirt. Watch as a butterfly flutters unexpectedly around you. Sit and serenely let nature do what it will do. Even now, I feel you soften from the hard dry clay. Peace is in the air, tranquility like a holiday. The language of God is being spoken by the trees. Without hearing a word, I feel them minister to me. It's time to turn over a new page. My old heart, you need to change. Don't be a slave to your feelings anymore. Shake off the dust as you rise from the floor. The day is too beautiful to be worn out and grumpy. Embrace your wife and tell her she looks lovely. Remember the truth, that you're loved faithfully. Don't let any feelings take that away from me. Reader, don't be afraid to speak to your heart. Tell it to change as it breaks you apart. You're in control of your body and soul. Take back the reins and you'll become whole.

Providence paused me from panic Suddenly slowed me for a second Out of my own automation Into intentionality and intellect I saw the world spinning As fast as my heart's beating Out of harmony Devoid of serenity The spirit of the age tore open his chest His heart was a book to be read On it were written bold letters in red "We're all in a hurry A hurry to die We cannot slow down For tomorrow is nigh Today is a bore Tomorrow will be better We can't wait to sleep Then we'll be older We drink until it's poison We eat until we're sick We speed down the highways We don't wait for the clocks to tick We cannot slow down There is too much to do Our hearts cannot keep up And our brains turn to goo The sun does our aging The air burns our lungs All nature is killing us And we can't wait to die" I closed the book And took a deep breath I surveyed the beauty The beauty around me My children were playing The birds were singing The lizard's sunbathing And I found myself sitting And so I sat down to live To live in the moment Embrace my children Enjoy the present I'm in no hurry to die When I live on purpose

You're so arrogant Pretentious And much worse than that You're so smug Self-important You behave just like a cat When you walk in, we avoid you Deep down you know that it's true When you speak, we ignore you Most of us don't have a clue What to do With your stew Old yet new Always blue Worn-out shoe Bad hairdo Hell, just look at you It's so clear, the mask of perfection A facade in the form of a smile But we know the truth all the while It's a mask for your own protection Your need for attention Provocative It just isn't right You are cruel And obnoxious Though you seem so composed Why go through the trouble Of getting out of bed? Only to be hated Before you wind up dead This is what I hear from their spirits You see From their words, looks, and behavior Directed toward me Then my reflection shrugged his shoulders Walked away from his station Left me standing alone To interpret this vision Stepped into the shower Upturned my palms Lifted eyes to the heavens Tears started to fall I asked of my Father, "Please hold me down Heavy as an anchor So I shall not be moved"

Your taste As sweet as honey Your cost My hard-earned money Your toll The pain in my body You won't stop Until I'm dead Why can't I resist you? All you do is weigh me down Your pleasure is for a moment Then you beat me to the ground When we gather You are always there It's easy when we all share But I come to you when I'm alone and no one is aware I come to you When I feel sad I come when I am mad I rip the door wide open And have you any way I can I hate that you are everything I crave as a reward When you're around I can't help but feel completely out of control There seems to be no way for me To exist and avoid you All there is for me to do Is pray that I'll defeat you Resist you when you look so good As you come through my door Resist you when your smell is strong As if it were rising from the floor Resist you when you're oh so close And my desire burns for you To turn my gaze and cover my nose Find something else to do The truth is you're no good for me I want no more of you It's not the same for everyone But I feel enslaved by you I can't keep going on like this I loathe the man I see I hate what I've become Because of how you affect me It's time we spent some time apart I need to be made clean Lest you take me to an early grave And my children mourn for me

Insomnia is an eye open wide in the night It can see in the dark of the room without light For it sees through the mind, sees the past, not the present Sees the future potential, a future unpleasant The eye makes an image of shadows come near A shape like a man, though a man I don't fear I fear what could be, what has been, and what isn't The thing of my fears is elusive but imminent

Brown eyes painted on my face Two holes for ears on either side A painted smile looks out of place And two arms spread out wide I think I have a brain inside My heavy wooden head Then I watch and wonder why I feel like I am dead Just a lifeless piece of wood Pulled by thin clear threads My head and body misunderstood All that has been said Things I know I should do Seem impossible to reach Things I know I oughtn't do My reason is impeached My stomach filled by gluttony To the point of being sick My bones fatigued by lethargy Pressed by the puppeteer's stick The smile is hardened acrylic But my lips are tightly sealed I'd be my own worst critic But his voice is all I hear Will you cut the strings Or be my new master? Get me off these things Before I end in disaster I don't want this part This role I've been given Turn me into your art To be no longer the villain Write me a new story Bring me into glory

"The Anxiety of My Heart" Do you still love me Or do I fill you with hate? What does it matter? "My Hope for the Meeting" Tomorrow we meet, I pray you are transparent Or nothing will change "My Reassurance" Why am I afraid? There is no gain here for me So what, if not me "My Fate in the Council of Oracles" I see the faces Some smiling and some frowning Which ones will decide? "What to Do?" His hands pluck the strings His mouth speaks words of true life. Play music or teach? "Questions About Life" Who decides our fate? Is it choice or destiny? Determined to know

Sparkling lights Faces bright That is what I saw tonight An immersion of water The joy of my father That is what I felt tonight Awestruck and wonder Booming like thunder That is what I heard tonight Dancing and laughter Church then church after That is where I went tonight Children were playing My heart was elated All upon a Sunday night

What father is worthy of such a son? Who could feel prouder than he? When I disappoint you I am undone My only hope is to fill you with glee Since your birth, I've loved you And foresaw our eternal friendship So many plans yet to come true But who can separate our bond of kinship Every day I work to be a better man To show you what that means But in the end, I'm human My mistakes can't be unseen I never try to be hard on you Because I'm already so proud I'm just so scared of failing you And I feel I've let you down It's important for me to make known What I always fail to show I'll say it best in a poem It's the language of my soul You're always going to be my son No matter what you do You won't be loved like this by anyone I will always love you I'm happy just to be your dad And no matter who you become Even if you did really bad Our love will not succumb Every pursuit you may endeavor From your noble heart I will support you with my every effort Until from this life I depart Every sketch you've ever drawn I've kept them in memory On the floor, we'd play upon When it was just you and me You're a great big brother And they would all agree There could be no other To lead the other three The father you deserve I may never be But I'll be a father who will serve And never abandon thee